hi…just wondering how a couple who have just started their journey gets absorbed in the Group consciousness of ‘how to put their spouse down”. One verbal volley after the other…hitting like a seasoned hunter (read a long time husband/wife) proves how the primitive thought processes/hidden genetic coding or else just the need of “conforming to the societal norms” that wives are the punishing souls and husbands are forever the punished and victimised ones.
I am surprised to see people who end up living their entire 2/3rd of their lives with persons they detest all the time in public or in their heart or both. I am completely at un-ease due to this today.
Why can’t people just be the real they are…? Why do they need to put down their wives to enjoy the centre stage in a group familial or friendly? Even the persons who are generally happy with their respective partners, noticed they too start recounting all those “incidents when their lives turned hellish due to the monster called wife in their life” … Fair! They have a problem…they are sharing and venting out their pain. Accepted!
In that case, I just wish to know when and where will they ever find the place & time to admire their monstrous wives for the little good they have brought to their lives. (I do not wish to express the lop sided view that only husbands do this. Wives also do it but the % ratio is 80-20) So today focusing on the 80% i.e. the husbands badmouthing about their wives’ misdemeanour, bad cooking, mood swings, anger bouts which can be actually (generally) counted against all those moments when she nursed you having sleepless nights, forego her sweet morning sleep to align a routine for you and your family, avoiding herself in the priority list willingly, forgetting to do things which were a part of her life, organising events for you, entertaining guests according to your whims, carrying out your instruction manual, taking your unwaranted criticism all the time.
Why on earth do you feel that you have the right to publically announce all the dirty incidents between the two of you putting all the blame on her. She put more chillies and you (the poor and helpless one) had it without complaining… Did u have any shame doing so…nopes… you take pride in doing so in public. If you are so enthusiastic to share things publically…learn to share the good things too, the value added to your life with your wife, learn to APPRECIATE too for the numerous goodies in your respective wives with details as you do while criticising her for her monsterous side.
The more you speak and think of the Sorry moments (to which both of you contributed), the more sick you or any member of your family would be. Lies have the energy of destruction. Appreciation & Love constructs.
Make or Break. It’s in your hand. Want to make a difference? Make a contribution and be real instead of just being a regular guy… have the courage to raise your head before all the men (your so called friends or relatives) and have the courage to appreciate your spouse. You may feel like a odd man out for a while. But you will save and be a source of giving a happier marital life for yourself and your audience too. As this small act of genuinely praising your partner will not just strengthen your bond with your own partner rather you will be an example to others that “it’s ok to appreciate and admire your spouse” in public instead of demeaning them so prudely and realize their worth and value in their life and be proud to acknowledge that in public.
Health of a relationship depends a lot on mutual respect and genuine regard which is obviously missing if you are embarrassed of being with the person you are living with. Know your partner well and then you may not have reasons to despise them. Just don;t fall prey to the societal ways. Be urself, be kind and truthful.